Monthly Archives: May 2013

Expressing Thoughts

I was surprised with myself that I actually committed to creating this site and posting my thoughts here. It is not that I have trouble with commitments, I am very good at making and keeping commitments. It was surprising because expressing my thoughts with words is usually very difficult for me to do.

Words are not my natural way of thinking. My thoughts are completely based in and made up of emotions, feelings and mental images. When I am just sitting around thinking to myself, there are no words going through my head (except sometimes names of the people I am thinking of). When I communicate with others like me that are not currently living a human life, this is what we share. We communicate entirely with emotions, feelings and mental images.

So, let me just explain what each of words mean to me in terms of communication since everyone reading this probably has their own idea. This is part of the problem I have with words is that they require a great deal of interpretation because the provide a very incomplete picture of a person’s thoughts.

Emotion is pretty straightforward I think. It is an expression of the current internal state of one’s being. It communicates whether the person is happy, sad, fearful, lustful, etc. Emotion can also be attached to images, expressing the emotions that those images invoke for that person.

Feeling is the way a person subjectively perceives something – the way it “feels”. Basically, take all of your known senses (physical, spiritual, all of them), combine them together, and apply them to a mental image. That is how it feels to you.

Mental Images are the substance of the communication. They are the who, what, when, where and how. They are the message being conveyed that everything else is based around when communicating.

That is how I think and how I communicate most naturally. Now, here I am living as a human and trying to communicate with other humans who simply cannot hear me. It is not that they are not capable, rather that they have for some reason blocked themselves off and walled themselves in. They hide behind words, afraid to let others see who they really are and what they really think. Even in their own minds they use these words, as if hiding from their own true selves.

For me, communicating this way is not natural. I have spent a great many years (my entire human life) learning to communicate this way. Yet still I struggle with it every day. I can spend hours writing to try to explain a single image in my head and still never come close to fully describing it. When I write, I have to constantly stop and think (using words!) to figure out the next thing to write. When I try to communicate in real time with someone using words, I either end up communicating very slowly or spilling out an endless stream of words to try to communicate a simple thought, and usually failing at it.

Because communicating with words requires such an intense mental focus for me, I find myself often unable to get emotionally involved with the topic of conversation. If I do become emotionally involved then I end up either blabbering complete nonsense or simply going quiet because my mind switches back to its normal mode of thinking.


In many ways, I am love. Love is the dominant driving force behind my entire existence – in this life and beyond. It is the basis for my decision making process and the basis for every meaningful thing that I do. So, if you want to try to understand me, it helps to understand the way that I look at love.

Many people view romantic love as some limited and finite precious resource that they should reserve to share only with some special person. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but I personally cannot imagine limiting something as amazing as love in such a way.

For me, love is infinite, and I do mean literally infinite. No matter how much love I give, there is no drain on me. There is no depletion in my ability to love. There are many that I love, and several of these relationships have a romantic component to them. At the time of writing this, I currently have ten romantic lovers in my life, two of which are my wives. I also have some interests that have not developed into anything yet (and may not).

In addition to romantic love, I also share other forms of love with all of my lovers, and other forms still with many other people such as family and friends.

So, I identify myself as polyamorous. The actual meaning of the word is a bit different for every person you ask, but there is a common theme. At its core, it simply means “many loves”. It is the purest expression of love and trust between groups of people.

When I explain this to people, there are some common questions I tend to get in return from people who do not understand my way of love. So, let me try to address those here.

Q: How do you keep track of so many lovers?
A: I am genuinely interested in all of them. I care about them deeply, their lives, their desires, their problems and fears. It really doesn’t require effort to keep track of people when you genuinely care for them.

Q: How do you find the time for everyone?
A: Simply stated, I don’t. I have the same time limitations as any human while I am living this life. I honestly cannot devote as much time to any of my lovers as I would like to. However, if one of them needs me, they know they can call out to me and I will drop anything I am doing and go to them. We all understand that time is limited, and we focus on the time that we share rather than the time that we do not share. If I am only able to see one of my lovers once in a particular week, that moment together is what I will think of when my thoughts go to that person, not the fact that I only saw her once. Focusing on the positive rather than the negative puts us into a positive state of mind. Many times we spend our intimate time together in groups as many of my lovers are also lovers to each other. This helps greatly with time constraints.

Q: Don’t people get jealous?
A: Largely, no. Jealousy has no place in relationships that are built on love and trust. Jealousy stems from fear. Sure there are the rare occasions where two lovers in different places need me at the same time and I have to split my attention between them, and sometimes one or both of them might be upset that they are not getting my full focus. However, I would not go as far as to say they are jealous, except maybe in the most literal and trivial meaning of the word. We all understand that we have other lovers and we all respect and trust each other deeply. We each know that if someone cannot focus on us fully in a moment of time, that there is a good reason for it.

Q: Doesn’t the drama get to you?
A: What drama? I don’t get involved with people that create drama. A single person causing drama can hurt every single person that I am attached to. I would never willingly hurt the people that I love by subjecting them to that. All of my relationships are drama free. There may be external drama between my lovers and other people from time to time, but not internal drama between us – aside from the occasional (rare in my case) misunderstandings and hurt feelings that everyone in a relationship deals with at some point.

To My Loves

My loves are everything to me. Together, we are harmony and balance. For them I would do anything just to see a smile. It is hard for me to express in words what they mean to me.

To each of you I make this dedication. I will always try to:

  • Comfort you when you are distraught
  • Show you love when you are fearful
  • Protect you when there is danger
  • Listen to you when you need to talk
  • Make love to you when you are lustful
  • Learn from you when you have wisdom to share
  • Help you learn when there is knowledge that you seek
  • Be understanding when you act poorly out of fear
  • See all sides when there is a conflict
  • Tell you the truth even when it may hurt to hear it
  • Be there whenever you need me, for anything

My love for you is unconditional and never-ending.
I have you here, held close to me, wrapped protectively in my wings.

As I look into your eyes, I show you all of myself.
As I kiss you, I envelop you in my love.
As I press my nude body against yours, I connect with you on every level.
As I caress your skin, I share passion with you.
As my claws drag across you, I share pleasure and pain with you.
As my tail presses between your legs, I share lust with you.

With every breath, in every moment, I share love with you.

Welcome to My World

Welcome everyone to Succubus Thoughts. After sending a number of emails back and forth with a friend of mine, it became apparent that I have a lot to share about the world as I see it. So, I have decided to expand my audience and share with the world at large.

I do not expect that many people will see this, but that is not the reason it is here. If even one person reads my ramblings and finds a bit of information that helps them with something in their life, then this site has value to me.

I have a bunch of information I plan to sift through in the next couple days and will post bits of it here. After that, I have no idea how often I will update this site. I do not plan to write content for the sake of writing content. I will post here only when I am inspired to do so for one reason or another.