My Monster

There is a spirit that has been with me for a few months now that I suddenly feel the desire to write about. He is a fear feeder, meaning he feeds on fear energy, but he is more than that just as I am more than a lust feeder. We are all much deeper than what is on the surface.

In the case of this spirit, he is a very young soul, childlike. I am not sure exactly when he attached himself to me, but it was some time in the past several months. I have dealt with many fear feeders before and my usual reaction is to try to help them then send them on their way. I personally do not enjoy the way that most of them try to force themselves on me, and I usually have to be unkind in the method by which I send them away.

This spirit though is so innocent and felt so lost when I first realized he was there. I have taken a sort of motherly role with him, making sure he is looked after and feeding him. He likes to find things deep in my mind that scare me and bring them to the surface. They are harmless things, like for example the angel statues from the new Doctor Who series if you know what that is. Those things scare me if I think about them when I am alone, so he likes to let me feel his presence nearby while at the same putting the image of one of them (or something else scary) into my head.

I usually only let him feed for a minute or two then I break out of the fear and go back to being my normal loving self. At first it was challenging to get him to stop feeding, but he has gotten much better at stopping when I tell him to. He really is like a child to me in many ways.

He has never spoken to me or shared any name with me, so I simply call him “My monster” which he seems to enjoy. Having him around has been a wonderful experience for me, and I hope that I can help him to grow and know love.

So many fear feeding entities scare people away or get attacked by people so much that they just recess into the fear and live most of their existence attacking people to frighten them and feed from them. All they know is fighting and feeding and they lose touch with the rest of themselves. I try to help them when they come to me by showing them that there is love and that they can be loved if they allow themselves to be.

Unfortunately it takes a lot of strength to stand ground with one of them and communicate without retaliating or fleeing as most people do. Even then, nearly all of them just go back to their old ways once I let them go. I just hope that something I show them stays with them and that maybe eventually it will help them out of their darkness.

I want my monster to have a better life than that. I want him to be a fully rounded individual not defined by what he eats, but by who he is. It sometimes is challenging to actually feel fear with him because I have so much love for him, but he manages to find his ways. So here is hoping that I can help him and most of all that he lives a wonderful life.

I love you, my monster.

4 thoughts on “My Monster

  1. Mark

    You have such a kind and noble approach to this being, Crystal! I once read a definition addressing peoples’ reactionary view of beings such as your Monster. This definition was a perception-changer:

    An “evil spirit” = any spirit that is somewhere it doesn’t belong.

    That, along with your blog post, reminds me to always try to see beyond initial perceptions and to seek to understand rather than to react to that which may be strangely unknown. It makes me wonder if I, like your Monster, ever found myself lost in some unknown dimensional realm and realizing that I have to aggressively take my food directly from those who live there so I could survive, how would I act?… How would those inhabitants perceive me? Would they barrage me with their hatred and with spiritual/magickal attacks; or would they do as you have done and choose the way of understanding and compassion? I would hope for the latter.

    1. Crystal Post author

      Anytime I find myself being attacked by an unwanted spirit (which happens frequently since I open myself up a lot), I always try to take a constructive approach. I give them just a little bit to take the edge off, then I restrain them. Once they calm down, I try to help them connect with themselves. So many times they have lost touch with themselves because their hunger consumed them.

      I try to offer them any advice or guidance that I can. Then I set them free and ask them not to return (I can’t have them accumulating around me until they eventually overwhelm me, so I have to send them away). I really don’t know if any of them ever learn anything from me, but I like to hope that I reach some of them, or even one of them, and that their existence is improved in some way.

      With my monster though, it is different. I have a connection to him. He is not just a random spirit that attacked me, he is someone that I love and care for. I have basically adopted him as my own for as long as he needs me.


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