Why did I decide that I would come here and live a lifetime as a human? This is a question that has always lingered in the back of my mind. Throughout this life, I have been able to discover pieces of the answer to this question little by little, but I will probably never complete the picture until after the death of this life. Regardless, some part of me is always wondering, always searching.
So, I will try to describe the picture of why I am here based on what I have learned thus far. Like everything on this site, expressing things in words (not my usual comfortable medium) is more of way for me to analyze things from a different perspective than anything else, but I also hope that someone reading these things might gain some insight into something important to them.
The following is a series of excerpts from an email conversation I had with a friend about this topic (my words only), slightly altered for context and to protect privacy.
I believe that the main reason I chose to live a life in this realm is to get the truest sense of perspective on what this life is really like. I am here to learn and to grow and to try to truly understand what life here is.
Understanding as many different forms of life as possible is one of my goals. So here I am, doing all of things a person does to live in this world. I work (a lot), eat, sleep, have physical relations, build friendships based on communication that takes places entirely by written and spoken words. In public, I conform to most of what society expects a person to be. I cannot imagine how I would understand such a complex existence without experiencing it.
I believe that living within the system is the best way to fully gain true perspective on it. I had to set aside my outside knowledge to come here and experience this in an unbiased way. However, my constant need to learn and grow caused me to weaken some of the barriers that were put in place and allowed me to get bits and pieces of knowledge about my true self. My continuing curiosity prevents me from dropping it at this point, so I can only hope that the barriers will hold and anything vital will be protected until it is time for me to see it. I feel like this is already happening as intended. I do not think I actually have the ability to access things before I am ready for them.
For example, there have been many times in my life where I felt like there was something I was missing, some piece of knowledge that I needed to know in order to proceed with my life in a productive way. Each time that happened, it was not long before something was revealed to me by some means or another that gave me new insight and pushed me ahead.
(The next section refers to some material I found online through a friend.)
I discovered that there are other people out there like me. I had met others of my race or whatever you want to call it, but none of them were really like me. Reading about these people I felt like I was reading about myself in so many aspects. Sure there were differences, but the similarities were astounding. This is just one example of a time in this life where I gained a piece knowledge about who I am at a time when I was blocked and needed something to compel me forward again.
I have come to realize who I am through a series of these events happening over many years. Some big, most small, all adding up to what I know today. I know that I have lived many different lives in many different dimensions and at many different periods of time. I can remember precious little from these lives, but I do know that some of them happened in what would be considered the future to me from my current perspective, and others in the past. Most however, I believe happened in other dimensions of time that I cannot currently fully understand, but are not the past nor the future in the one-dimensional model of time we go by here.
Sometimes I struggle with the limitations of my knowledge, but I know that there are good reasons for these limitations and that I will some day remember what those reasons are and be glad that my knowledge was limited.
This is where I am now in terms of my understanding of why I am here. Basically, I am here to learn what it means to live here. I do not believe this is my first time living in a place like this, but I think I moved so far beyond this type of existence that I felt the need to come back and gain a fresh perspective.