This is something that has been on my mind a while and causing me some internal conflict. So, I am just going to dump it all out here and see if it helps.
I am succubus, and as such I have a basic need to draw energy through sex and lust. I am also a polyamorous lover with several lovers, all of whom are my primary reason for living. My lovers are all more than happy to feed my hunger for sexual energy, but I have always had a hard time drawing any energy from lovers. We frequently have the most amazing sex I could ever imagine, and I would not trade those experiences for any other. My loves are all so amazing to me and fulfill my life in so many ways.
The problem I face is that the only time I can really feed and satisfy my succubus side is with strangers or people I am not very close to. Despite the fact that sex with strangers is usually not a very fulfilling experience sexually, it really does satiate my hunger. When I make a lover orgasm, I am filled with happiness and love, but when I make a stranger cum, I am relieved of my hunger and filled with energy. For some reason, I am not able to get both from the same source.
It started out as me not wanting to feed on lovers for fear of harming them. I later realized of course that my feeding does not really do any permanent damage to anyone, and became more willing to do it with lovers. The problem I found was that I was not able to do so even when I wanted to. This led me to the situation I am in now…
My work life has been very busy lately, and I have not had much time or energy for personal matters. I try to spend time with my lovers whenever I can, but usually I am completely exhausted and can do little more than lay beside them and talk for a bit before falling asleep. However, I still need to feed, so I have been going online and feeding on random strangers. Basically, I am making strangers cum and not my lovers. I feel as though I am neglecting my loves while at the same time basically sleeping around with people I don’t even know.
My lovers are very caring, patient and understanding, but I know they need me sexually. They try things and I want to participate, but the only time I usually see them is when I am going to bed and completely exhausted. Meanwhile, I am going and having sex with random people online. (It is just virtual sex, but it is enough for me to connect and feed. Most of my lovers are also online.)
So, how do I justify being too tired for sex with the people I care the most for while still seemingly able to find energy to have sex with strangers? This is the conflict I am having with myself. I am not sure what to do about it or how to handle it.
I don’t expect anything from anyone reading this. I just wanted to get it out to see if it helps (and also to write something on this blog which I have been neglecting). I wish the best to all of you, and I will be back with more the next time I am inspired to write.