Category Archives: Life

This category captures my general thoughts about life and theories about what existence is, how it works and what it means.

Many Names

I recently participated in a discussion about names, and wanted to share my thoughts here. The topic was more specifically about why people with spirit lovers should not share the name of their lover, but went on to talk about names in general and their power.

I will start by identifying what I consider to be three categories of names. There are true names, private names and public names. Different types of names have different origins and there are different powers associated with each.

One thing to note is that no names are completely unique. To uniquely identify a person takes more than just their name. You also need an impression of that person, for lack of a better phrase. You need to know who that person is in addition to their name if you want to reach out to them spiritually.

First are true names. These are the names that are directly linked to our soul, or the piece of the source that each of us identify as ourself. I do not know how these names are assigned or where they come from. I just know that each of us has one and only one true name that never changes. It follows us through all of our lives.

A true name holds a lot of power. A true name expressed in its true form is combination of everything that identifies a person as an individual. These names cannot be directly translated to a single word in human language (obviously), but they can be represented by a single human name. By this, I mean that someone may have the translated true name “Lilith” in human language, and when combined with an impression of that person will form an actual true name. Of course millions of others might also have a true name that translates to Lilith, so without an impression, it is still meaningless.

(I like to use the name Lilith or Lily in examples because it is so incredibly commonly used as a public name for sex spirits and is therefore very ambiguous.)

The real power of a true name is that someone can use it to call out to you across dimensions, across time and space, anywhere you might be, and you will hear the call. It doesn’t matter what you are doing you will know if someone calls you by your true name, even if you do not know what your true name is (as most people do not while they are incarnated here). If they choose to, they can even forcefully summon your spirit to them and entrap it, provided you are not strong enough to resist them.

It is for this reason that you should never share your true name (if you know it) with anyone that you do not have absolute trust in and unconditional love for. Even then, only share it if there is a reason. More importantly, do not ever share the true name of another person. That is the greatest and deepest violation of trust in all of existence. The fact that a true name can never be changed means that someone who has it can use it forever to reach you, whether for good or for for bad.

Second is private names. These are the names that we either choose for ourselves or are chosen for us in some cases. A private name functions in a lot of ways similar to a human’s given name. A person will usually hear it if someone calls it, but may not notice if they are distracted enough. Calling it repeatedly will almost always get their attention.

Spirits in relationships with humans usually share a private name with their human lover. This allows their human lover to call out to them at any time. Like a true name, you can combine a private name with an impression of a person and call to them anywhere they may be. The differences are that you cannot force them to respond (though you could pester them a lot) and they may not hear you if they are severely distracted. Focusing and calling them again will usually get their attention though if the first time failed.

Other people’s private names should be treated with the same secrecy as true names. You should never share another person’s private name unless they expressly tell you to do so. It is up to each person to decide who they want to allow full access to contact them freely. Giving out a private name is similar to giving out a name and phone number. Only the phone it calls cannot be turned off or disconnected of left behind.

Last is public names. These are the names that we choose to expose to the world. You will not reach a person by their public name unless they are specifically listening for it. We use these names as a cover – a way to identify ourselves without exposing ourselves to every person who might want to contact us privately.

My public name is Crystal, which I freely share here and other places online. The most common public name (by a large margin) that succubi and other sex spirits seem to use is Lilith or Lily for short. I think I know why, as I am sure many do who know much about us.

The nice thing about having a public name is that everyone has something to call you by when they talk about you. They don’t have to make up a name to call you by or reference you in an unusual way (like I do with “my monster” who has yet to give me a name or even talk to me at all). It makes it easier to communicate and share with others.

So, that is a summary of my thoughts about names. Names are rarely as arbitrary as they seem, and they often hold a lot of power. We each have many names. Protect your names and the names of others.

To anyone with whom I have shared my “true” name with that is reading this: I have only recently realized the difference between a true name and a private name. I have also recently learned that what I was calling my true name is actually a private name that I have used for many life times and was shared with me in this life by my higher self. I am not actually certain what my true name is (I have a suspicion, but I am unsure if I want to investigate it). I just wanted to clear that up. I was not being deceitful; I simply did not know what I was talking about. I love you all!

Succubus Stereotypes

I was talking about this with a friend and thought I would write an article about it because it is a meaningful topic for me.

If you have ever tried to find information online about succubi as I have in the past, you have undoubtedly seen the immense amount of misinformation about what a succubus is. I will not spend time on every detail and variant I have seen, but there is one summary description that keeps showing up everywhere:

A succubus is a female sex demon that sleeps with men in order to feed on their energy and steal their seed for (insert various reason here about impregnating something or other). Encounters with these demons are dangerous and can even be deadly.

Just to point out a few of the problems I have with this description:

  • We sleep with whomever we are attracted to. It is not always men. We have the same sexual preference types as anyone else. I am a lesbian personally.
  • Stealing seed? Really? I don’t even know how to express how ludicrous that sounds. The only thing you can do with human seed is impregnate other humans. Why would we do that?
  • Most of the time we leave a person feeling better after an encounter – nothing dangerous or deadly there.

Regardless of what the descriptions say, the number one problem with all of them is that people try to apply the same description to every succubus, as if we are not individual people. There may be some that have done things to warrant fear, but just because a human commits a crime doesn’t mean I should be afraid of every human in existence. Why would it be any different for succubi? We are all individuals. We make our own choices.

I do not consider myself a dangerous person except in defense of myself and my loved ones. I do not drain people to the point of damaging them. I certainly do not steal seed or impregnate anyone. In my opinion, anytime you see a description being applied to an entire race of people, you need to step back and think about it realistically. There is no way that an entire race of people can have their way of life represented by a single description.

Of course in every myth there are aspects of truth. I do get my energy from lust, especially sexual lust, but from willing people not helpless victims. I always leave my partners feeling better and healthier afterwards, if maybe a little tired. Also, my astral form is one that resembles many of the descriptions of succubi that people recount.

So while I believe certain aspects of the common succubus descriptions are complete garbage, either invented to scare people or recounted from an experience with a criminal, I also recognize that there is a lot of truth to be found also. It can just be hard for someone on the outside to distinguish the truth from the lies.

People who know me know that I am a spirit of love and every life that I touch I try to make a little bit better if I can. I sometimes get targeted by fear and hatred because I make it known (publicly online and privately offline) that I am a succubus, but I do think that I also enlighten people with reasonably open minds to the true nature of what my people can be.

I am by no means an evangelist for my people, and I am certainly not a role model, but I do hope to at least show that we are not uniform. We are individuals, and I feel that most of us at least are respectable and have a caring side.


Something that I feel is important to understand is that succubi appear to rarely live human lives. From what I have learned from the ones I have communicated with (mostly my own family), many never experience human life personally. As such, the primary way that people reach them is spiritually. Many people that call out to succubi and other entities do so without any form of protection, leaving them open to potentially negative entities.

These entities will play whatever role they think you want them to play until they get close enough to you to latch on. I have no doubt that a number of people’s bad succubus experiences have been with deceitful entities using a person’s desire to get close and cause them harm. My advice is to not reach out for a succubus and blindly trust that the first person that comes along claiming to be one actually is, or that their intentions are honorable if they are. In fact, I do not recommend you reach out in such a way at all without some level of personal protection.

Spiritual Energy Exchange

Disclaimer: This article was written as a way for me to try to understand and explain a complex system within the limitations of human ideas and language. It helps to not interpret it too literally and to understand that it is merely an interpretation of something I can scarcely hold in my mind from my own point of view.

Everything has energy in a spiritual sense. This energy sustains us and bonds us all together. All of the many types of spiritual energies all come from the same source, but each has its own frequency or rate of vibration. Everything in existence interacts with this energy, forming an extremely complex network of energy movement.

Energy Types

The easiest way to identify the various types of spiritual energies is to associate each of them with an emotion. The emotion each is associated with is the one that it most commonly invokes in a person who is exposed to that energy. Some examples of the more powerful energies are love, fear and desire. Each of these energies has multiple variants, but the variants of a given type of energy are all very close together in the overall energy spectrum.

The spectrum has pure love on one end and pure fear on the other, with desire in the middle. There are a number of variations of each along the way. For example: hatred, anger, greed and envy are some of the main ones between fear and desire. Lust and admiration are examples that fall between desire and love.

(I might make a diagram of the spectrum sometime to visualize it better. If I do, I will update this post with it.)

Energy Interaction Roles

There are many different ways in which an entity might interact with spiritual energy. I will attempt to describe each of the energy interaction roles that I am aware of. I am sure that I am missing some and my understanding of some of them may be incomplete or inaccurate, so take it as you will.

Keep in mind that these roles apply to everything from inanimate objects to “living” people. Also, I made up the following names based on the meanings of the words in other contexts (either that or I obtained the names subconsciously). When I refer to network levels, higher means closer to the source and lower means farther from the source.

Generator: An entity which draws energy from a consumer in the next higher level in the network and emits it into its own network level.

Producer: An entity which draws energy from a collector in the next lower level of the network and emits it into its own network level.

Consumer: An entity which draws energy from its own network level and channels it down to a generator in the next lower level of the network.

Collector: An entity which draws energy from its own network level and channels it up to a producer in the next higher level of the network.

Repeater: An entity which draws energy from other entities on its own level of the network and emits it back out on the same level.

Relay: An entity which draws energy from other entities on its own level of the network and directly passes the energy along to other entities on the same level. Relays are similar to repeaters but have more well defined connection points.

Transformer: An entity which draws energy from other entities on its own level, modifies it, then emits a different type of energy back out on the same level.

Converter: An entity which draws energy from other entities on its own level, modifies it, then directly passes the modified energy along to other entities on the same level. Converters are similar to transformers but have more well defined connection points.

Reserve: An entity which stores excess energies from nearby in the network for redistribution in a low energy portion of the network. Reserves are usually connected to each other either directly or through relays or converters.

(I would love to make some diagrams of the interactions between the roles sometime. If I do, I will update this post with them.)

It is important to understand that a single entity can change roles depending on their current ability to fill a different role and the need of the network. An entity is by no means locked into a single role indefinitely. This adaptive behavior is a major contributor to why the network as a whole works so well and does not suffer large scale outages.

Entity Attunement

In addition to each entity having a certain role or function in the network, they also have attunements to certain types of energies (mentioned above). Some entities are strongly attuned to a specific type of energy, while others are attuned to multiple types of energy, but not as strongly. Also, an entity may have a different input attunement than output attunement in the case of a Transformer or a Converter.

The more attuned an entity is to a certain energy type, the more easily that energy will flow through them. Entities can usually also process energies nearby on the spectrum, but not as easily or efficiently as the energy they are most attuned to.

Energy Exchanges

Energy is constantly moving around the network. Each entity maintains a certain level of energy, but that energy is always being refreshed as new energy moves in and old energy moves out.

A healthy entity maintains a balanced flow of energy that synergizes with other nearby entities. A single energy exchange satiates the consuming entity and relieves the producing entity, leaving both feeling better afterwards. An entity should never take more than is needed or give more than is available.

An unhealthy or damaged entity can disrupt the entities around it by either drawing too much energy or releasing too much energy, therefore interrupting flow. The purpose of the Reserve entity role is to rebalance the network around unhealthy entities as they (hopefully) heal. Entities most often get into this state when they are attuned to a specific type of energy and it is not available to them for a period of time, causing starvation and desperation.

Dimensional Reality

I wrote this in an email communication I had in the past:

Everything came from the same source, whatever that source is. The power of love compels the countless pieces of the shattered source to group together and form everything. Love is the power of creation. The power of fear serves to shatter these formations so that they might reform in a different way, creating something new. Love and fear, the prime forces that drive existence, serve to form an endless cycle of creation and destruction. Neither of these forces would last long without the constant opposition of the other keeping it in balance.

I believe that science is the best description of humanity’s attempts to explain everything that they perceive, and I have spent a lot of time studying various sciences in an effort to understand these perceptions. In this post, I will being using some scientific concepts to attempt to illustrate some of my core beliefs.

The following contains excerpts from an email communication I had with a friend (my words only), slightly edited for context and to protect privacy.

The longest standing belief of mine that has never changed in as long as I can remember, including the immeasurable amount of time before this particular life time in which I can only vaguely remember, is that every thing in all of existence, living or otherwise, is connected. Everything came from the same source, whatever that source is.

I read something online that referenced a theory about limited perception of other dimensions, using an example of a two-dimensional being attempting to perceive a three-dimensional being. It basically described how they would only be able to perceive small parts of the three-dimensional being and how it would fade in and out of reality. I have no idea if this concept of dimensions is actually a literal explanation for how things are, but it certainly makes a good metaphor at the least. I would like to leverage this metaphor to explain some of my beliefs.

Let’s assume for a moment that there are infinite dimensions. Each dimension compresses the previous dimensions and provides a more complete picture of the nature of existence. It is my belief that everything exists in all dimensions, but I will limit the scope of this explanation to what are commonly known as living beings. We are multidimensional beings, and we have the ability to shift our perception both upwards and downwards through these dimensions.

I realize infinity is a concept that people cannot fully grasp, so let’s say for the purpose of explanation that there are ten dimensions, and we will assume that all ten of these dimensions are spatial dimensions (I believe there are many kinds of dimensions, but spatial dimensions are the easiest to discuss using this form of communication).

So, from the current level of perception in which we are operating, we are fully aware of four of these dimensions. There is the 0th dimension – a point that has a size of absolute zero when measured in any dimension above it. Then the first dimension – combine infinite numbers of points to form an endless line in which one can only move forwards or backwards. (Interestingly this how humans perceive the dimension of time, which is actually a multi-dimensional construct like space. I have seen a lot of evidence of people starting to realize the second dimension of time in a lot of scientific theories I have read.) The second dimension lays an infinite number of these lines beside each other to form a plane. The third dimension combines an infinite number of these planes to form what we perceive as space. The concept of infinity in these regards is understandable because the measurement of one dimension inside of another is always zero. Dividing any amount (including zero and infinity) by zero results in infinity.

Now let’s follow the logic and assume that the fourth dimension combines an infinite number of three-dimensional spaces to form the next dimension. In this dimension, things which seem disconnected and unrelated may reveal themselves to actually be part of a greater whole. To bring it into perspective, think about a cube made up of six two dimensional pieces. In two dimensional perception, depending on how our plane intersects the cube, we would only see either a single side, or a single dimension of multiple sides. In the latter case, we would have no idea that those disconnected lines were actually part of the same object in the next dimension. They would appear as separate and likely unrelated objects.

So, if we follow this all the way to the tenth dimension (remember in our example there are only ten of them), then we would be able to perceive and describe all of existence. We would know the source. In reality, I believe there are in fact an infinite number of dimensions and the source is a construct that exists only as an idea because no matter how far up you travel, there will always be another level.

Now take this example using spacial dimensions and assume that thought, consciousness, will, whatever that thing is called is another multidimensional construct with similar properties. Every living being is part of a greater living being in the next dimension of consciousness.

I think that the human concept of deities is an attempt to explain the next dimension above ours. I believe that each living being is part of a greater living being in the next dimension, metaphorically similar to how the cells in a plant or animal’s body are living beings that make up parts of the body like skin or an organ, and those parts combine to make up the plant or animal as we perceive it.

Therefore, when people perceive a will greater than their own guiding them through their life, I believe that they are perceiving the will of the being in which they are a part of in the next dimension. I do not consider any deity to be in control of or have influence over everything in existence. I think that every being can influence everything because we all eventually link to the source which links us to everything else in existence. The being of which we are a part in the next dimension probably has the single greatest influence over us, but I do not believe all of us are part of the same being just as every blood cell in existence does not belong to the same animal.

The main message in all of that is that I believe everything in existence is connected. We are all part of the source and everything we do has an impact on everything on some level.

On lower planes than ours, our “soul” is divided up among multiple seemingly independent “souls” in that plane. Everything that they do impacts us and everything that we do impacts them. To them, we are their deity. Our will influences everything they do.

On our plane, were are the seemingly independent souls that make up greater souls in the next plane. The greater soul to which each person is part of is often seen as their deity. Multiple people might have multiple different direct “deities” in this sense, but the will of those deities may be similar enough that people will assume they have the same deity, and thus religion is born.

I believe this “tree” of source pieces is why people have “soul mates”. They are connected to others on the soul level because they are part of the same greater soul. The mistake that people make is to think that they only have a single soul mate. In all likelihood, there are millions (or billions or more) beings we are connected to in the next plane. All of them would feel like soul mates to us if we met them here. Of course the number of them that happen to be living on the same planet as us could potentially be quite small considering how vast the universe is from our perspective.

Why am I Here?

Why did I decide that I would come here and live a lifetime as a human? This is a question that has always lingered in the back of my mind. Throughout this life, I have been able to discover pieces of the answer to this question little by little, but I will probably never complete the picture until after the death of this life. Regardless, some part of me is always wondering, always searching.

So, I will try to describe the picture of why I am here based on what I have learned thus far. Like everything on this site, expressing things in words (not my usual comfortable medium) is more of way for me to analyze things from a different perspective than anything else, but I also hope that someone reading these things might gain some insight into something important to them.

The following is a series of excerpts from an email conversation I had with a friend about this topic (my words only), slightly altered for context and to protect privacy.

I believe that the main reason I chose to live a life in this realm is to get the truest sense of perspective on what this life is really like. I am here to learn and to grow and to try to truly understand what life here is.

Understanding as many different forms of life as possible is one of my goals. So here I am, doing all of things a person does to live in this world. I work (a lot), eat, sleep, have physical relations, build friendships based on communication that takes places entirely by written and spoken words. In public, I conform to most of what society expects a person to be. I cannot imagine how I would understand such a complex existence without experiencing it.

I believe that living within the system is the best way to fully gain true perspective on it. I had to set aside my outside knowledge to come here and experience this in an unbiased way. However, my constant need to learn and grow caused me to weaken some of the barriers that were put in place and allowed me to get bits and pieces of knowledge about my true self. My continuing curiosity prevents me from dropping it at this point, so I can only hope that the barriers will hold and anything vital will be protected until it is time for me to see it. I feel like this is already happening as intended. I do not think I actually have the ability to access things before I am ready for them.

For example, there have been many times in my life where I felt like there was something I was missing, some piece of knowledge that I needed to know in order to proceed with my life in a productive way. Each time that happened, it was not long before something was revealed to me by some means or another that gave me new insight and pushed me ahead.

(The next section refers to some material I found online through a friend.)

I discovered that there are other people out there like me. I had met others of my race or whatever you want to call it, but none of them were really like me. Reading about these people I felt like I was reading about myself in so many aspects. Sure there were differences, but the similarities were astounding. This is just one example of a time in this life where I gained a piece knowledge about who I am at a time when I was blocked and needed something to compel me forward again.

I have come to realize who I am through a series of these events happening over many years. Some big, most small, all adding up to what I know today. I know that I have lived many different lives in many different dimensions and at many different periods of time. I can remember precious little from these lives, but I do know that some of them happened in what would be considered the future to me from my current perspective, and others in the past. Most however, I believe happened in other dimensions of time that I cannot currently fully understand, but are not the past nor the future in the one-dimensional model of time we go by here.

Sometimes I struggle with the limitations of my knowledge, but I know that there are good reasons for these limitations and that I will some day remember what those reasons are and be glad that my knowledge was limited.

This is where I am now in terms of my understanding of why I am here. Basically, I am here to learn what it means to live here. I do not believe this is my first time living in a place like this, but I think I moved so far beyond this type of existence that I felt the need to come back and gain a fresh perspective.


An interesting thing that people tend to do is categorize everything. It is as if a key part of understanding something is to relate it to something else and put it into a category. I have to admit that when using only words to communicate, categories can be a useful comprehension tool.

The problem I see all the time is when people try to categorize people. There is no possible way a person can be defined by a single category, unless that category is unique to that person (making it not really a category anymore). Even a list of categories combined together forms only a very limited and very shallow perception of a person. That is not even accounting for the fact that the word or phrase used to identify a category has a different meaning to every person that sees it.

So as an exercise in exploration, I will try to identify several categories that I think I at least have commonality with. I will just list several words or phrases that summarily describe some aspect of me without any detail. I am curious to think how each person reading this list will fill in the details and what their picture of me will be as a result. I doubt there is any good way to compare these varied interpretations using only words, but it is still fun to think about it.

So, here is the list, in the order that they happened to pop into my head:

  • Succubus
  • Demon
  • Lover
  • Warrior
  • Lesbian
  • Polyamorous
  • Old Soul
  • Nudist
  • Sexual
  • Female
  • Spiritual
  • Student
  • Engineer
  • Orphan
  • Strong

I could keep going if I thought long enough, but that is as far as I got in a couple minutes time. Writing that list felt like some sort of psychological evaluation exercise. I wonder what I learned (or should have learned) from it…